Wednesday, April 7, 2021

I used to dread hearing these words. Even today, they bring back memories I’d rather forget.

The words were usually said by someone in my office, just before they told me they were moving to the competition. Knowing what they were about to say didn’t making hearing it any easier.

You can’t blame REALTORS® for moving on with their lives. And you can’t fault them for deciding the grass looks greener somewhere else. Yet, it still hurt when they left my office. I’d take it personally, which I now realize was unwise, but there you are. Everyone is going to do what they’re going to do, no matter how much finger-wagging one does. Just ask Dr. Bonnie Henry. Can you imagine having her job? She’s going to need some major decompression time after all of this is over. She may even suffer PTSD. That wouldn’t surprise me at all. Not that I’d wish that on her. She’s done a very credible job with just about everyone breathing down her neck and second-guessing her. Politicians are used to putting up with the constant scrutiny. Someone in Bonnie Henry’s position? Not so much. I wish her the very best.

I’ve said it many times: words do, indeed, matter. I pretty much make my living spinning words, and when I say something wrong or am tone deaf, it isn’t long before it’s brought to my attention. So, when I’m made aware of a potentially problematic social media post, I sometimes wonder as I read, what the hell was the writer thinking?

I was reminded of this the other day while fielding a member complaint about another member’s post on the Board’s Facebook site. The situation’s been resolved now and life will go on. But I don’t want to miss the opportunity to weigh in on how the whole mess might have been avoided.

"I’ll be the first to admit I’m the outlier on social media. I think it’s a blight, right up there with the plague. (I’d place mobile phones one notch higher than that, by the way.) Weird, I know, but I’ve never been a fan of spilling my guts to anyone who will listen to the latest of what’s happening to me."

My inner voice says, when reading some posts, “Who cares? Life is hard and then you die. We’ve all got problems.” Not very sympathetic, I’ll admit, and definitely out of step with what I suspect the majority of us think. I remember my parents’ contractor telling them he was about to retire. They wished him the best, and as he was heading for the door, I asked him what he planned to do next. He said, “I’m gonna drive to the Stanley Park causeway, park my car at the entrance to the Lions Gate Bridge, and walk to the centre of the bridge to see how far I can throw this hammer.” Thirty years later, I now understand what he meant. I’ll be doing the same thing (figuratively, of course) with social media and my phone when I pull the plug on work.

Having exposed my prejudice, I know you’ll want to take what I write next with a grain of salt, as they say. But I’m going to say it anyway.

Just because something happened to you doesn’t mean others will necessarily want to read about it. Maybe they will, but maybe not. (If they don’t, they shouldn’t be logged in in the first place.) And if whatever happened to you made you angry, sad, or unhappy, it'll probably do the same to others. So why spread that misery around? Everyone likes to read a happy story. A sad one or one that'll also make them angry? Not so much.

Consider all this as you write your next post on social media. Will your words cause others pain? Will your words make them miserable? Will they make others angry? Will your words embarrass someone? If so, have a think about whether the post is worth it. The pleasure you may derive from writing a long, sad tale or an angry diatribe on social media is temporary. But, the result of those words may not be temporary—and could result in a professional conduct complaint being made against you by another member. Believe me, you don’t want to go through that process—it’s rarely fun.

Here are a few simple rules to remember before posting something on social media:

  • Social media never forgets.
  • If you’re in a so-called private forum, for example, the Board’s Facebook site, remember that anyone can take a screen shot of your post. Maybe they’ve saved what you wrote so they can frame your words for their wall. Or maybe they’re saving your post to use against you or as grounds for a complaint to the Board or in a legal action in court. I don’t believe there's anything private about social media. Whatever you say is written for all time for everyone to see. (When I think of some of the things I’ve said in my life, I’m now so very glad I didn’t commit them to writing.)
  • Imagine you’re saying out loud what you’re writing to the person you’re writing about. Would you have the stones to say what you’re writing directly to them? If not, your post could probably do with a rethink.
  • If you’re angry or overtired or have been enjoying a drink or two when you are writing, do what my good friend advises: write the letter and then put it in your desk drawer overnight before you mail it. Ditto for social media posts.

Finally, remember that if members can figure out who you’re talking about from what you’ve written, it doesn’t matter if you haven’t identified them. Everyone is very good at putting two and two together. If you think another member did something wrong, why not let them know directly, with civility? If you don’t want to do that, you could ask your broker to contact the other member’s broker for a chat. And, if all else fails, you can make a formal complaint, which by the way, is not considered public so you can say pretty much anything you like about the other member in that forum. The bonus is no one else outside that forum has to read your words or feel your pain.